Have you heard the phrases "he marches to his own beat" or "he dances to a different drum"?
I think that, if explored more closely, every person on this planet would apply.
Sometimes, I think we jump to conclusions about "different drummers". We automatically assume that they are "special" and need extra attention. Sometimes even psychiatric intervention.
While I'm definitely NOT advocating against child psychiatrists, because I truly believe they serve a real and important purpose, I am suggesting that some children may be placed in a category of "specialness" when all they really need is support during those awkward, "not-like-my-neighbor's kid" phases.
To put it more simply, I guess I would have to classify myself as a "different drummer".
I wasn't into all the same things as other kids my age. Sure, I had Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids that I loved without question.
But did I play with them the same way? No. I would let my Cabbage Kid watch Lady and the Tramp on VHS (old-school, of course) and fast-forward thru the "naughty parts"....as if there were any.
My Barbies all had very distinct names and would sunbathe outside a large cooking bowl that served as a swimming pool. And when they weren't sunbathing, they were having their heads shaken back and forth, some sort of weird childhood compulsion of mine.
I'd use my dolls to create fantastical stories about a life I dreamed of, complete with mansion, butlers and maids. And I'd do this for hours as I flapped my hands (a sign of concentration mixed with creativity, first diagnosed by my mom and later confired by a psychiatrist -- something that I also grew out of.)
I also didn't know that music existed outside of Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Juice Newton, The Oak Ridge Boys, Dottie West, and, of course, The Chipmunks. That was until my friend Sonja introduced me to her new album with "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.
To be quite honest, I was astonished that such music existed. I could NOT believe my ears! It wasn't that my parents were depriving me....they just didn't listen to mainstream pop on the radio. Yet here I was listening to something so different from what I had always known.
Kids today, in my honest opinion, are being judged before they even have the chance to express who they really are. I believe that these "special kids", offered an unwavering support, will grow up to be architects, artists, musicians, physicists, writers, philanthropists, paleontologists, conservationists (Albert Einstein was a weirdo to many....so was Mozart and so was DaVinci) because their interests evolve significantly around a world that we, as parents, may not be able to visualize. Too often, I believe, we are caught up in our own expectations of what our children "should be". And we expect that they will conform to "societal norms". If not, they are "extra-special citizens" when they are grown...and they are often left out of or only get an honorary mention in the family Christmas letter. Until they have breeched the gap and "made it".
I guess my plea to all parents, including myself, is to let your child be his or herself, providing adequate discipline and support, of course.
We can't change what is inherently part of their psyche. We can only pray that they find support and guidance along a safe path to that which fascinates them.
No one wants their child to be hurt, though it happens to each of them. And, of course, no one wants their child to be thought of as "different". And no child wants to be judged by their parents for being "different". It is also inherent that each child born of this earth, with the exception of a rare few special-needs kids, be accepted by their parents and achieve parental approval.
But is it because we care about our child or because we are concerned about our parenting?
So long as our children steer clear of drugs, alcohol and other mind-altering substances, why not let them be exactly who they are? No amount of pressuring a child into medical school, if the child hates science and math, will result in a happy outcome.
I'm far from a perfect parent. In fact, I told hubby today that I was a "loser parent" because I had not listened enough to my own daughter as she screamed and growled angry protests thru bedtime after not being read a chapter out of her auntie's book.
But I think I do have one leg up on being a "different drummer" myself. I realize that all of these situations really fast-forward to who my daughter will be. I may not understand her today, but forcing her to conform will only wind up in arguments and possibly even resentment. And I desire a lifelong, strong, communicable relationship with her. And with my son.
My closing argument is that, if your son or daughter steps out of line and dances to their own beat, try cherishing and even celebrating that. The world is too full of "normies" anyway. So, why not have your child be a true stand-out? Who knows? Maybe you're in the throes of raising a future Nobel Prize winner.... :)
Just...sayin...
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